Well I’m on the mend (thanks for caring) and I’m getting my energy back.
I always feel like a work in progress. I always think ‘I hope people don’t think I’m finished’. Do you know what I mean by that?
I will be thinner, my hair will look better, my clothes won’t have holes in and I will have distinctive style. My home will be more ‘me’ and all the things in it too. But for now, I am a work in progress.
I know that life is happening now blah blah but it is good to have goals to work towards. Now, finally, I feel as if I am edging closer to my goals. I’m still fat and my hair is crap but I know exactly what lifestyle I want. I know what is important to me and I can actually see a way clear to getting it.
I am a big believer in creative visualisation and my creative visuals are stronger than ever. More frequent, more present, more real. I had always questioned how I could realistically get from A to B but that is not for me to know or influence. I just have to believe that I will get to B. I have a time limit in my head though…..I’m not sure that is wise…or maybe it is. Anyway, there’s still time.
So here I am, a work in progress with fingers in many pies and a very clear goal. There is nothing to say it can’t happen, nothing to say it couldn’t happen to me. I have a sneaky suspicion my ambitions are very tame compared to others so I have every faith and even when I get to where I want to be I bet there will another change of direction. That seems to keep happening, like someone is steering me and bringing things to my attention for reasons that only become apparent years later.
Funny old game.
Don’t you just hate it when you clink glasses on NYE thinking this will be THE year? The year that everything comes together and all the little seedlings you have been nurturing will thrive and you will finally get to where you want to be? You are fired up and ready to go. Then you get a cold, a really heavy cold with a chesty cough and headaches and muscle aches and bleurgh. So then your big plans are put on hold AGAIN. Sucks. So I am going to be kind to myself and accept that January might be a bit of a write-off and the New Year will officially start in February. Oh yes, February better watch out. Having said that I did send off the first episode of a sitcom I have written to a lovely willing reader in the industry so actually – that will do for January’s efforts. But February…yeah I’m coming for ya.
I’m just wondering what one is supposed to do with anger?
I know it is not big, clever or particularly healthy but I have a huge amount of rage. Not all of the time but right now…..today.
There are a number of reasons why this rage is building up and I am not about to direct it at anyone in particular – but I could. I know that the next person to push me too far, to challenge me on just about anything or drive too close to my bumper will get it.
I am wondering if something that is usually considered to be a negative emotion could actually be turned into a positive? You could argue that the rage is only hurting me (at the moment) and that is probably true but I can’t just make it disappear. I need to reason it out. Analyse why I feel like this. Change the things that are making me angry and channel the energy. There is a quite a bit of it knocking about today.
I genuinely feel like I could get a lot sorted….and not just my stuff. Other people could take advantage of my mood today. Got something that needs sorting? Feeling a bit weak and vulnerable? Well let me take care of it for you. I have the rage and therefore I am like a Lion. An actual frickin’ Lion. No jokes.
I don’t remember what it feels like to be on my own. Like actually alone with no impending visit.
The only time I am occasionally flying solo is driving from one well attended place to another.
Right now I have a very strong desire to be on my own. Nothing against anyone else, I don’t hate my life or anything I just want to know what it would feel like to be in a place with NO other people. I bet the silence would hurt my ears.
I probably wouldn’t like it.
I think it is really important to be away from people, phones, radio, music, TV, computers, books, work, people….maybe once, possibly twice a year….. What have we become? Do we need to be so connected to something noisy ALL the time?
I feel a bit worn out at the moment and probably need to book a day at the spa, or hop in a floatation tank or fake my own death or something,
For once – we’re not rushing.
We have a project on the go that is really important to us. We want it to be right, we are tweaking, adjusting, testing, changing and developing. I’ve never been very good at editing. I can rattle out a script in a day – no probs. The ideas come thick and fast – it is entirely personal opinion as to the quality of these ideas – but they do come easily.
This time – we are taking care with the editing. There is no rush. No concerns that someone will beat us to it. That doesn’t matter because we are not the only ones to come up with the idea but we are the only ones to do it like us.
We will put the project out there in the next few months and we hope it will be a genuinely useful resource for teachers and parents everywhere. Most importantly, we hope kids will love it. But we must remember that if they love it, they will love it in six months time and not just right now.
For once, we are not rushing.
The man was a genius. Listen to the genius.
Did you realise that the crap thing that happened to you was for a good reason? You’ve struggled with it, felt sorry for yourself, bent the ear of anyone who will listen about it. But, how reassuring to know it has actually been a positive thing.
I can think of a hundred examples of teeth kickings and sure enough it has all worked out for the best.
That attitude certainly didn’t do Walt Disney any harm did it?
Is it just me or does he look quite hot in this picture?
I think life is a bit like your wardbrobe.
Give it a bit of a rearrange and you will find things you had forgotten about. Things you had taken for granted. You’re probably reaching for the same things every day and forgetting about the other little gems.
So maybe there is no need to rush out and seek new things. Maybe you just need to tidy your knicker drawer.
I’m just wondering if humour might be the answer.
It’s a very personal thing; humour. Mine is very much my own and I really appreciate it when people get it. I really struggle with other people’s on a daily basis. I’m just not convinced that everybody is really, really true to themselves in the humour stakes. I think everyone holds back, not sure how far to take a good laugh. It’s all very polite and measured. Only when the wine is flowing do the real hardcore observations and cutting wit rear their heads. I love it. I love that brief glimpse into the workings of a mind. I like really spontaneous humour that comes from a truthful place. Best of all, I like a bit of self-deprecating humour. Somehow, when someone is really up against it and they are crumbling before my eyes, it nearly always ends up in giggles. Not giggles actually, that’s lame. Proper cackles. Why is it that extreme emotions from opposite ends of the scale go hand in hand? Humour is individual but it bonds us. Share a laugh, share an understanding.
How can we bring humour into our everyday lives? Into the workplace? Into parenting? Into Relationships?
Why shouldn’t we have a good laugh EVERYDAY? For the majority of the day in fact? Even I know there is a time and a place – I’m not totally inappropriate……?
It’s healthy, it’s positive, it’s progress.
Whatever makes you laugh is unique to you and that is a beautiful thing. Work a laugh into your day tomorrow. Better still let me know what makes you laugh tomorrow. I’m interested.
Your body hears everything your mind says- Naomi Judd
Taking that to the extreme I had some very negative thoughts about my boobs when I was trying to squeeze them into a new dress. That has come back to bite me – hopefully not in a big way – but enough of a warning to make me check my attitude towards my boobs. Healthy ones. That’s all I need.
When are we going to give ourselves a break? Is there anything in your life that is more important than your health? I see people every day, strung out and beaten down by their work. It’s a job. That’s all. And when the job has gone and you are left the only thing that matters is good health.
Don’t allow anyone (including you) or anything to destroy your body by attacking your mind. Meditate, exercise, create, drink (joke)- do whatever you need to do to take care of your mind so that you can enjoy living in a healthy body.
Negative thoughts lead to stress which leads to ill health, which leads to stress, which…….you get the point.
How many things have you started and deserted too soon for fear of failure? Worse still, how many things have you not attempted for the same reason? What are you – psychic? How do you know how it will all turn out? It’s not all luck, it is hard work too. It might not happen overnight, it might take time but if you keep your ultimate goal in mind – what is to stop you acheiving it? Why couldn’t it be you? Why can’t you have the things you want? Why can’t you be the person you want to be? Don’t listen to the candle-snuffers. Don’t worry about anyone else because you are the only one who matters. It’s your dream – follow it – actively.
If it helps, then don’t talk about it too much. Just do it.
So from today – stop self-sabotaging. You might just be surprised by what you can do when you actively pursue your dream.